Since last October, Deborah has been taking care of her 89-year-old mom, Barbara, in her home in Thousand Oaks, California. Barbara is becoming more frail, needing assistance to walk, shower, dress, and use the toilet. She has accidents and is a big fall risk. Barbara’s dementia makes her unpredictable, with anxious, fearful, and aggressive behaviors. Sometimes, she doesn’t know her own daughter. Deborah also cares for her own two children. Her brothers live in California, but they offer little help.

Barbara doesn’t recognize her grandchildren; the children are confused by the changes in their grandmother. Deborah recently had an opportunity to take a weekend trip with friends. She desperately needs a break! But she has no one to watch her mom. She feels guilty about bringing anyone into the home for just a weekend. Despite being overwhelmed, Deborah feels like she’s failing her mother by even considering assisted living.

How could she trust others to care for her mom? How could she abandon her mom?

Caregiver guilt blinds people with emotion when they consider placing a loved one in assisted living. This guilt may stem from feelings of failure or the belief that they are abandoning their duty to care for their loved one personally. Many caregivers worry that seeking professional help implies they are giving up or not doing enough. To overcome this, it’s crucial to be honest with oneself and address these emotions directly. Assessing what is truly best and needed for your loved one involves recognizing that one person cannot meet all their needs.

Oftentimes, staying in one’s own home or living with family members can be isolating for seniors. Senior living communities provide specialized care, social interaction, and a safe environment that is usually unavailable at home.By focusing on the overall well-being and happiness of the senior and seeking support from others who have faced similar decisions, caregivers can make a responsible and loving choice that genuinely serves the best interest of their loved one.

FOUR THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN  CHOOSING WHAT IS BEST:

Assessing Care Needs

The first step is to evaluate the level of care required. Consider the following:

• Daily Living Activities: Can the individual manage daily tasks such as bathing, dressing, and eating independently?
• Medical Needs: Are there chronic health conditions that require regular monitoring or specialized care?
• Mobility: Is the person able to move around safely, or are there frequent falls or mobility issues?

If the individual’s care needs are extensive and cannot be adequately met at home, it may be time to consider professional help.

Considering Emotional and Social Needs

Isolation and loneliness can have serious impacts on mental and physical health. Consider:

• Social Interaction: Does the individual have opportunities for regular social engagement?
• Mental Health: Are there signs of depression, anxiety, or cognitive decline?

Structured social activities and mental health support at assisted living communities may not be available at home.

Financial Considerations

Evaluate the financial implications of both options:

• Cost of In-Home Care: Calculate the expenses for hiring in-home caregivers, medical equipment, and home modifications.
• Cost of Assisted Living Placement: Compare in home care with the cost of moving to a senior living community, including monthly fees and any additional services required.

Once in home care exceeds four hours a day, assisted living can be more cost effective. We can explore and compare these solutions.

Quality of Life

Ultimately, the decision should prioritize the individual AND the Caregiver’s quality of life. Consider:

• Family Dynamics: Are family members able to provide the necessary support without significant strain on their own lives? What do they prefer?
• Personal Preferences: What does the senior prefer? How can you best take that into consideration?

Tami Podell of Assisted Living Connections is a member of Moving Seniors Forward. Reach her at 888-880-1181. Tami and her team provide no-cost guidance and counseling, and have helped thousands of families since 2009.